Honestly, I've been struggling a lot thinking about what will happen to him. Over the last few weeks we have met with the family a few times and realized that they do not intend to take him back. They gave every impression that they would, but now they keep putting us off, telling us to wait until planting is finished...wait until the harvest is coming...wait two more weeks, just two more weeks.
I was able to meet privately with Achuka's father, and my heart broke for his situation. He obviously loves his son, but he is convinced that his other wife will not care for his baby boy. He doesn't want his son to die and is begging us to keep him.
This is too much for me. To think that this sweet little one has no one who can or will care for him is beyond my imagination. I can't comprehend a culture that would let a baby die rather than go to the trouble to fix a bottle for him. This feels like the bottom of the barrel. I have never seen such disregard for human life...even America's issues with abortion don't compare to this.
Sometimes it becomes difficult to have compassion, to remember that we are all this destitute without Christ. I am just as depraved, just as lost, just as forsaken, just as devoid of compassion and love as this family. Without Christ where would I be? Who would I be?
An excerpt from my journal:
"...the thought of giving Achuka back breaks my heart. I'm giving my son to strangers who neither love him nor care whether he lives or dies. I'm trusting that God loves him more than I do and wants the best for him. I'm trusting that God will hold him and care for him when I can't, that Achuka will feel that love daily, and that my prayers, his mother's prayers, will be enough to keep him close to the Father's heart. And that God will be faithful to keep my heart from drying up from too much giving..."
And an excerpt from Katie Davis' blog:
"...and while the head spins, "Where is God in this mess?" the heart knows the answer, "Right here". God is right here with us. And He knows. This pain, this is what he did for us. Willingly. He knows this hurt because he chose it to save us. And that love is what we live on every day."